I entered 2014 with an expectation that my life needed to change and I needed to change my attitude. In November I sat down with my pastor Isabel and chatted through the importance of dealing with anger. I never saw myself as an angry person but this last year has brought up all my “stuffed” anger and it was time to start dealing with it.
Isabel taught me that its just as important to physically get the emotions of anger out as it is to deal with the roots through forgiveness and letting go. When I get angry I just want to scream and cry. I would hold it in thinking I can’t express anger that way, it’s not good. WRONG! I was wrong. hahahaha… so I have learned that when I am dealing with the emotions and I feel like screaming, I go to my pillow and muffle my screams but let them out, I have a good cry and then I am usually good to start forgiving and releasing and allowing God to heal this tender and hurt part of my heart. God is not intimidated by anger or hurt, and He loves you too much to leave you in it.
Heavy Rain, a Young Adults Conference at Catch the Fire Toronto is where this revelation, freedom and healing all began for me this past week. I knew going into it I was going to be different but I didn’t know what God was going to do. He said to me “This bitterness has built a wall and the wall has kept you from your destiny and my doors opening up for you and has most importantly kept you from Me.” I hadn’t really realized how much through anger, bitterness crept in. I became very selfish and prideful. It took root and it seemed that the roots went deep. I began to feel entitled to the promises God has for me. I felt like it was my right to have a relationship, trying to convince myself that I was good enough and that God needed to make this happen, and soon. It is in fact only my great privilege and honour that He would lavish me with His promises and kindness and greatest gifts. How arrogant and selfish of me. My lovely Jesus has given His life for me and here I was demanding and commanding in my time these things come to pass. When God showed me this I melted into a puddle of repentance; I feel free from bitterness, anger and pride and it no longer taints my view or my heart. Last week and last year it tainted everything. I allowed it to create a wall between me and God. I distanced myself from him, selfishness clouded my eyes to see all of His mercy and kindness.
I looked back over 2013 and see that God’s amazing grace and love did open so many doors for me and my destiny but there were other areas that I am PASSIONATE about where the doors have been closed for months. Public speaking is one of them, blogging another. I repented for my attitude, heart posture and the very next day a speaking opportunity opened up and a few more possibilities to come. Hahahaha God is so GOOD and so KIND! I know that so many more doors will continue to open and that there will be more freedom and walking out my new revelations in the coming months. I am blessed and Jesus is my all in all, my pearl of great price. He’s my first love.
I can’t wait to share more with you in the coming months and the other lovely ladies will be also. So many blessings, tears, joy, sorrow, repentance, revelation, peace, guidance and love has flowed through each of our lives in this last year.