grace is enough

Peace in the struggle

to find peace

comfort on the way

to comfort

and if I shed a tear I won't cage it

I won't fear love

and if I feel a rage I won't deny it

I won't fear love

- Sarah McLachlan

My journey right now is that of grief and grace. It seems I am presently a woman of few words yet constant thoughts and emotions fill my days. There is no "how to" when it comes to healing from the loss of someone you love.

My heart feels wrecked but as much as this time is difficult, it is beautiful. 

I have been thinking about loss so much lately. I have been thinking about the passing of my mom, I have been thinking of losing my boyfriend last month.

And as I feel this loss and experience grief, the more I realize:

 His grace is enough.

 It must be. It has to be.

Grace falls and changes everything; it covers over all. Grace covers over my worst fears and insecurities, my greatest struggles and inadequacies, my biggest mistakes and poorest choices, my deepest heartache and sorrow. 

This gift is far more beautiful than I give it credit for, far more splendid than I know what to do with.

I find the more I allow this grace to fall and cover over my most wounded places, the more I am able to:

Surrender.

Letting go can be the hardest thing to do yet in that beautiful moment of total surrender, when you learn to release the very thing you don’t know how you will live without, you start to see and feel and understand that God will not return it empty. He has never returned anything empty to you before so why would He now, when it hurts more than it ever has before?

He just wouldn’t. He just won't. 

This "letting go" and "letting God" means serious business. It means your life will never be the same again. It means that at some point, likely sooner than you can imagine, you will look back on that moment of surrender and realize how absolutely essential it was; in order for you to heal and learn and grow, in order for something great to unfold.

And so... you are reminded over and over again how sweet the gift of grace, how it sustains you when all else feels lost, when you feel so lost.

Oh sweet grace, it has saved you, it has saved me. Once again.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

- 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose,

all that we love deeply becomes a part of us."

-Helen Keller 

In a world where cows can talk!

I realize that most of the readers of this blog are singles, so in a sense me (Kerry) and my husband Andrew writing on the topic of sexuality in marriage is like a group of cows having a conversation with another group of cows that are across the fence trying to find a way to get to “the greener grass on the other side”. (In a world where cows can talk that is). We have three children 5 and under so in our world all the animals can talk. Ok. Let’s talk wide open pastures. Let’s talk sex.

     When I became a Christian I decided to live a life of sexual purity and abstinence until I got married. That period of time in my life lasted 11 years.  I have a deep personal understanding and compassion for the challenges of the single life. It was a precious time with monumental victories as well as failures, life-long friendships and deep loneliness, exciting adventures and seemingly endless searches for answers. My hope is that somehow the words I have to share on this topic would encourage your heart and strengthen you on your personal journey regardless where you are at. Male or female, Christian or not, single or married. May you be stirred to give more thought, preparation and practice to the commitment of true intimacy.

 As far as sex itself is concerned, I must agree that the grass really is greener on this side of the fence.  Let me briefly share why.

     You are a three part being made up of body, soul and spirit. The architect who uniquely designed and created you also uniquely designed your sexuality. What many do not know is that God almighty is that Creator and that when He made us He placed a combination lock within our sexuality. He is the only one who knows the secret combination to unlock the fullness of our personal sexual satisfaction. Many people try to unlock it themselves through the mere physical act and various other ways. However, what they fail to realize is that God only releases this secret combination to our partners through the sanctity of marriage. That’s right; we are not given our own sexual code because sex was never meant for our own use. It was meant to be given as a gift and in the act of giving we then receive the fullness of pleasure.

      This secret combination or “access code” is also as unique as every finger print and encompasses every area of our being, body soul and spirit. Any other sexual pleasure outside of this context pales in comparison and will actually work as destructive force in our lives otherwise. That is a secret only those who have unlocked their lover’s code have experienced and understand. Trust them and take their word for it! Your marriage partner will be given that code bit by bit as they learn to love you in every part of your being. As they discover who you are in spirit and discover how to truly care for your heart, they will then learn to unlock the depths of your physical pleasure. No matter how hard you try, you do not hold this power and this is why you will never find satisfaction by your own means.

     I know many singles reading this would argue their sex life is kick’n the way it is but I challenge you to get truthful with yourself. When you do, you will see that no matter how you try to find sexual satisfaction that your deepest needs are never met in the end. This is why sex is truly the best in marriage because all of the sex that the world has to offer is based on self-fulfilling satisfaction, people trying to find the secret combination themselves for themselves. When sex is received as a gift, true intimacy is found. See, one has to understand the purpose and design for marriage to be able to really place sex in its rightful place. It’s like understanding how our solar system operates before we understand what role Earth has to play within it. It gives us the bigger picture. Sex is a very significant part of the delicate balance of intimacy in marriage, but it is a part-not the whole. However, that is a whole other topic to be discussed another time.

     Before I became a Christian I was a sexually active single and I can look back now and tell you that lifestyle is a mere counterfeit of the real deal. Sexual activity in singleness may temporarily feel good but ultimately will never satisfy to our deepest core. It was never designed to function that way and never will. Sex in our world is cheap, often with no real commitment and at the expense of another. Our culture treats sex as a commodity and puts very little value on it. What our culture has failed to do is realize there is a living human being attached to that sex and in God’s eyes, has tremendous value. We have lost the original purpose of sexual intimacy as a culture and this is because we have lost touch with the One who created it and wrote the manual for it.

    Let’s talk a bit about preparation for marital intimacy because most of you are heading in that direction sooner or later, many of you crying out for mercy that it be sooner I know! When I was on the, let’s call it ‘this same old grass sucks’ side, or “where is the grass!” side, I remember I had some perspectives about marriage and sex that I gathered on my own and have had to completely change within marriage.

     When I was seeking for ‘the right one’, I honestly did not give sex that much thought other than to believe that it would be amazing to have in my life period. I didn’t realize that marriage and children and learning to live life as a couple would involve so much work and have such an impact in shaping and building intimacy. I didn’t understand the difference between infatuation and mature love. The biggest lesson that I have learnt and would like to pass along is that sexual intimacy is something that needs to be learnt and mutually built together. It takes work! It doesn’t just happen. Like all things in life, marital sex is not immune to problems. Problems will come but the way we deal with a problem will directly determine the level of intimacy within our marriage. The secret is how we as individuals respond to the challenges and are able to work through the challenges with another. Singleness provides opportunity to practice this in principle. However, it will never match the level of self-sacrifice, maturity, generosity and love needed to maintain a healthy life long marriage. This is why it is so very important as a single to allow God to work into the depths of your core character because ultimately it is your character that will uphold your marriage by commitment in times you are greatly challenged, not simply a great sex life. Singles listen up … one vital quality you should look for in a partner is do they practice selflessness? Do they practice sacrificial love? Are they actively developing this attribute in their current life? I believe anything can be worked out in a marriage if both partners know how to put the other person’s good before their own.                   

Another thing I learnt this side of marriage is that our sexual capacities fluctuate over time. When we’re young and single we tend to believe that the mere drive will always be high and passionate. That’s what I thought. Here is the wake up reality for some … you or your partner’s sexual drive or abilities will fluctuate throughout life and will go through some possible major changes! This was a big reality check for me when I experienced pregnancy for the first time, the second, the third time, 3 C-sections and 6 week recovery times after every surgery, years of nursing babies, overcoming post-partum, sleepless nights, exhaustion, husband’s busy work schedules, owning a business, financial stress, starting a ministry … I could go on and on. (Oh-oh, I hear the sound of many bubbles bursting). I’m sorry but better to have a few bubbles burst now than later. I have been told by many counselors that the main issues of divorce are a couple’s inability to work through issues about money, sex or children. Do some research or talk to some couples now about the stages of life your marriage and physical body will go through. Cultivate a mindset of grace and flexibility for how you will respond to different stages of life in your marriage, it will be a major help to you & your partner when you get there.

    Singleness and sexuality is a hard deal to balance. I would go through periods of time when I was so content being single and then had times I would cry daily for God to end the misery. It is so valuable to have healthy committed married couples sharing wisdom into our lives, at every stage. Andrew and I have benefited tremendously by the wisdom we’ve received by those successfully loving in their marriages. My hope is that you would have someone mentoring you in areas of your sexuality, struggles and preparation for marriage. There are challenges in every stage of life the good news is that you don’t need to walk them out by yourself.

     In a few months I will have completed my internship and be an ordained minister. I also have my own ministry called Prophetic Light Ministries and do have many years of psychology and counseling education. If you would like some support, prayer or just a listening ear as a married woman and momma of 3, please feel free to send me an email at www.propheticlight.ca I would love to hear from you.

May you find the fullness of victory and freedom within your sexuality in the way you were designed to!

Kerry Champagne-Lauman

The Time for Singing (and Dancing) Has Come!

It's May! Yeah!  It is as it says in Song of Songs 2:11,12- "For the winter is past, the rains are over and gone.  The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing is come."  I don't know what season you feel like your life is at.  I feel like I am just overcoming a season of gray, winter and darkness.  Depression had sought to cloud my family and me for the past months.  Sometimes it has been hard to still believe that there is hope when one of my family members has struggled with this.  I have had to believe deep in my heart that the "Sun" of righteousness will shine forth with healing both in my life (Malachi 4:2) and for those I love most.   And He has in so many ways!  For starters, He has sent me my three year-old niece who is brilliant sunshine in my life, chasing back every shadow of sadness and sorrow.  Yellow is her favourite colour at the moment and so for her third birthday, I could not resist a yellow tutu with a matching bright sunflower headband.  She is literally blinding streams of light as she dances and sways around the room illuminating it with her giggles and joy and newest outfit.  Sometimes of her own initiative she will snuggle up to me, plant a tender kiss on my cheek and chant, "I love you, Aunty Amy.  I love you"  Oh, my frozen, cold heart has melted again.  My love tank is filling up and with sweet, genuine love like that, who needs a boyfriend?  Ok, I won't take it quite that far, but let's just say it does help in the waiting period. 

Yes, there is that ever present fog of discontent and unrest of not having a man in my life that tries to envelope me.  When there is a possible gleam of a good man, there's the tedious grey of relationships not progressing at the speed I think they should.  In all honesty, though, I am in a ridiculously great season.  I have the best roommates ever, with whom I have gotten to sing and dance in the rain showers of low finances and storms of uncertain relationships, but also see bright hope and sunshine of answered prayers in these areas.  There is also plenty of room for growing more into who I know I am created to be, and releasing those creative juices into the "field" of my life.  I get to plant and see flowers of relationship and joy blossom before dealing with sharing a field with a spouse.  Where I have toiled on building certain skills and talents such as singing or even teaching, there is a new ease coming.  I feel like my life is blossoming.  I've taken up some swing dancing lessons.  I've never been so free to pursue my own dreams, to push my limits, and so I'm doing the only normal thing for a single woman to do, I've signed myself up for the "Tough Mudder,"a crazy obstacle course through mud, over high walls, fire and even electric shocks (Maybe I can plant some flowers there?).  I'm also considering my next trip overseas, because every married woman I have spoken to recently has expressed their wish to have taken more trips overseas before marriage.  Hmmmm. Where to next?

I've been leading some worship and singing at my church, and I sense this anticipation of a rising song in me.  For it is My Saviour and truest bridegroom who speaks and says to me"the time of singing has come."  He later continues in Song of Songs 2:14-"Let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely."  That is enough to inspire me to keep singing whether it's an acappela song or I find my soul's duet (I think that is from Enchanted-love that movie.lol) or perhaps even a giant heavenly choir of angels will join me.  I have found my source of joy and love in My Beloved Jesus Christ and then with friends, family, and even my students who continually plant seeds of hope and kindness that I know are starting to bud and blossom.

As for my students, I've been teaching a room full of Grade 2's Drama.  Oh, the joys of children transforming into noisy howler monkeys; lazy, giant sloths; hopping, red-eyed tree frogs and gorgeous Morphus blue butterflies. My day becomes complete with all the calls and hoots of the Brazilian rainforest.  How could I feel sad when all these beaming, smiling faces keep swinging, fluttering, and hopping up around me and all their little imaginations have gone wild and awakened mine (Maybe I don't even need to take that trip overseas.  Brazil has come to me).

In life there are dark clouds that can dominate the landscape of our lives, but I pray we hear Jesus' resounding voice proclaiming a new season of joy over us.   I pray we see the row after row of splendid daffodils, daisies and tulips springing forth in God's creation, in good music, in growing friendships, and in smiling children.  Yes, these flowers are delicate, and so is life and so are we, but there is always hope for beauty to be revealed with great splendour.  There is a rainbow. For it is the sunlight passing through the rain droplets that actually creates and sweeps forth the vast array of colours- that beautiful sign of promise, those "skittles" in the sky.  

You're Alive Video!

This is my friend John Miller and Adam Villiers! 2 VERY talented musicians... They are going in to record it in the next few weeks! Make sure you like thier video and pass it along!!

she who taught me...

She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away
She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees
–Mat Kearney (Closer to Love)

I didn’t think I would ever get (that kind) of call, nope, not me. I lived my life only hearing of tragedies. The phone call wasn’t for me, not for my life, no way. 

 One Saturday morning in February, 10 days after celebrating my 30^th birthday, the unexpected call came and in an instant, my life changed forever.  

My mom was a woman of great beauty and passion. She was a romantic at heart. She loved music, candles, cooking, wine, dancing. She loved living simply, going green, using reusable bags, shopping at local grocery stores, growing vegetables, decorating the house with fresh-cut flowers. My mom loved “spirit of the earth” kind of people – the simple, humble kind; the kind who enjoy sitting out on a deck as the sun is setting on a warm summer evening, sharing conversation, talking life, cracking jokes, being real. 

 My mom loved her children and I’m pretty sure she loved her grandchildren more than life itself.  

But what/whom she loved most?

My father.

Dad would argue she in fact loved us kids most, but I beg to differ, there’s just no way. 

 I guess the real problem with my mom being gone is that I’ve never been able to picture my dad without her. The very thought of him through this, the very sight of him alone hurts us so bad. Mom was his one true love and he was hers. My parents had something I’ve never seen before between two people; 45 years and they were still so in love with each other – they still celebrated all the simple things. Every day. 

My father told me the day after my mother passed away that they could have been a story in this blog. I had not known, but they were each other’s first and for 45 years, they were each other’s only. 

 My parents taught and showed me that true love between two people can and does exist. It seems of all the things that really hurt in the world, of all the things that can go wrong and that are difficult, my parents walked together and loved each other through them all. My parents did not have a perfect or easy life together, this “true love” in which I speak entails struggle, entails sorrow but that’s the very reason why it’s “true;” they never gave up on each other, they never gave up on love, they chose each other and shared the joy and laughter, tears and sorrow.  

The beauty of their love for each other and the testimony of their marriage has been one of the greatest inspirations of my life. It has given me hope to never stop believing in love. 

 … I don't know. Sometimes it would stop raining long enough for the stars to come out. Then it was nice ... It's like just before the sun goes to bed down on the bay, those million sparkles on the water ... Like that mountain lake, it was so clear, Jenny, it looked like 2 skies, one on top of the other. And then in the desert when the sun comes up, I couldn't tell where heaven started and the earth begun. It's so beautiful ... Jenny, I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is. 

-Forrest Gump