A brave voice.

I don’t really know much about Iran. I know that it’s a country of intense history and an even more dynamic modern-day timeline, but I know very little about what it’s like to live in Iran. A few weeks ago I was given the opportunity to learn more. 

Sitting beside strangers on long flights can be both a burden and a delight. With some strangers one finds themselves relieved that they are truly strangers with the person in the next seat. While at on the other hand, some may find themselves in the midst of deep, heart-sharing with someone they have never met before while flying thousands of feet over Atlantic waters. On this particular long flight from Frankfurt to Calgary I had the opportunity to hear from a young Iranian woman, also single, also 30 years old, about what it is like live in her home country. My eyes were opened and my perspective shifted after this conversation. I heard that being a virgin in another country doesn’t simply represent a life-choice, it represents choosing life. 

For the unmarried woman in Iran, virginity represents potential; that you will have the potential to be married, the potential to gain a voice in a society where the loud voice of women are only heard through their male representatives.

It seems that the woman in Iran is both fearfully powerful, and practically vulnerable; in one way, it seems that she must ‘protect‘ men from her powerful beauty. She must cover her hair and her head and her body from the time she starts school, from the time she starts formally interacting with members of the opposite sex. She will never again be uncovered, with hair flowing in the wind and freely letting the sun soak on her skin in any place that may risk exposing her image to a passing by male. For that is when she realizes just how vulnerable she is; a woman in Iran learns early that she keeps covered, stays indoors in late hours and is careful in her choices of words because if she does not walk in these ways, she may be overtaken by any man who feels she is not being appropriate. She could be verbally harassed, her reputation could be tainted, her body may be battered and abused if she steps outside of these strict cultural bounds. 

There is an unspoken level of control in the world of Iran; control about how to dress, how to interact, how to make choices, even how to communicate. When we started talking about how to ‘meet guys’, the woman sitting beside me told me that in Iran it is very difficult. If you are caught walking down the street with anyone who is not your uncle or your brother or your father, you could be whipped sixty times. If you are found having a mixed-company party with alcohol, again more lashes. If you have a Facebook account, you will be reprimanded. Even this woman, a highly educated, well-spoken beautiful woman, would find herself in an arranged marriage if her father deemed it necessary. 

When does a woman in Iran gain her voice? When she is married. Until then she will be raised by her mother and have only very respectful, sometimes fearful interactions with her father. He will make the decisions about her future- family, education, opportunities. She may study, become educated in ways that allow numerous letters to follow your name, learn the mysteries of the world beyond her country borders, but at some time, she will be married and for many, become a simple housewife and mother. For some, she will be the first wife of her husband- a place that holds a degree of honor and respect. For others, she will be married as second, third, and possibly fourth wife. “Better to be a second wife than to be single in Iran” my seat-mate told me. Divorce is a little-spoken-of option; in Iran, a divorced woman in vulnerable to rape and abuse by men who see her as used, unfaithful and loose. Teen pregnancy is as rare as vegas show girls- ostracized by both family and community and as my seat-made said “I have never met anyone who was pregnant before being married. I heard about one girl who left the country, while another one just killed herself.” Wow. A show like the Virgin Diaries would be without interest in Iran, but Teen Moms could be banned. 

After our several hour conversation I realized just how brave this girl is. She lives in Iran and in Canada. She desires to marry for true love, rather than arrangement despite knowing that she may be single for a long time. Being single doesn't just mean lonely nights though; being single means her highly educated voice may not be heard as loudly, her career opportunities would be limited and her family would be uneasy with her. Or does she stay in Canada, where she would be seen as an individual, as an accomplished woman, but always through the eyes of a western culture that may not understand who she really is. She is brave. She is courageous. 

Sometimes we are given opportunities to look at the world through a different set of eyes. It makes us appreciate where we are from and appreciate what strengths different perspectives may have. There is much more to know about Iran and other cultures around the world- I am no expert. Still, speaking with the woman made me know that being a now thirty year old virgin is really a blessing, really a joy. That I can choose; I can live a full life, have a strong voice and be free.