I have a secret to share. I am a 31 year-old virgin and I have never been in love. That is, until now. It’s funny how you can’t understand what is possible beyond understanding until you actually get there; if that makes any sense at all!
The thing is, I know I’ve been in love with Jesus.
I know that I been loved and love my family and my amazing friends.
I can even say I love coffee.
But until recently, I had never experienced the out of control, makes you stay up all night, resets every frame, nauseating and glorious kind of love. This is the stuff that fuels battles and poetry and gives birth to a life of two becoming one. I find myself focusing on the lyrics of songs, watching movies through and entirely new lens, even seeing new value in the ‘love’ for friends and family.
Still, beneath the glorious hue of it all, I find myself facing a great number of wild and crazy fears; what if he finds out I am too much? not enough? what if he changes how he feels, or falls more in love with the idea of who I am than the true me. I can’t imagine functioning without him. I actually am amazed at the dramatics of it all... that gradually, without my striving or preparing or planning, I find myself growing to a place where I would be incomplete without him. How crazy is that! Like two trees growing together, or chocolate chips in cookies or perhaps like an iPhone; you would be fine without it, but once you’ve embraced one another, separation would inevitably result in extreme disability.
So I am learning that love takes courage. Courage to be yourself, with all your neediness and messiness and awesomeness all rolled into one living breathing package that exists in the face of one who you can hardly imagine living without. Truth is, I get sick of me! But as my heart settles into knowing that I am loved, trusting that I am for him what he is for me; trusting that our coming together is orchestrated by One who knows us both best and has great things planned for our togetherness.... then peace chases out fear and in it’s wake is an ever more joy-filled love.
As we walk out the unveiling of our hearts to one-another we will see ALL the colors that make us who we are. And then, bit by bit, these colors and shades will weave together into a new garment of ‘us’.
So we dance on. The next step, will he like the sweater I just bought for him? I like it. I think it will look mighty fine on his handsome frame. But will it be his style? Will it fit him? And if he doesn’t like it, how will he tell me?
First it's the sweater, next it's the rest of our lives!!! Just kidding.
More to come in the next weeks. Stay tuned for the story of how this amazing adventure began- let me tell you its a really great story! I will leave you with this final musing, one of the most well-worded descriptions of love I know.
Shakespear’s SONNET 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds