A few things I am learning....

These past few weeks I have learned so much. Thought I might share just a few insights I have discovered.... let's title it "The Dos before I Dos...." or maybe something like "A few things this Christian girl is learning as she becomes a wife..." or maybe even just "Some things to think about before looking at Pintrest". Any of these titles could be appropriate!

1. There is a PANDORAS box of wedding ideas, thoughts, suggestions, lists, services available to you. Before you open the box, STOP. Decide with your Man what you want your wedding to be about- who is it about. For us, we decided that this really is all about celebrating an amazing miracle done by God (the miracle of love for one another). Our number one guest is Jesus. So everything we would decide to do that day would honor Him. It was from that place that we then could make decisions on the how, what, where and how much!

2. Be engaged. The season before marriage is precious. This is your last time in your whole life that you are going to be a 'fiance'. Enjoy the middle land and learn the thing that you are to learn in order to be prepared for this great new adventure. Spend time with your girlfriends. Clean out your boxes of the past things you won't need any more. Take time to be just you and God. I have found that during this time of longing to just start my life with him I can sometimes forget the beauty in that longing. When I can capture what it is that I am longing for, and name the pain of the wait, I somehow find myself being more thankful for all that is coming.

3. Keep it pure. Long-distance has certainly helped us with physical boundaries, but what about my thoughts? Walking down the aisle toward my Husband to be I don't want to just be a physical 'virgin', I want to know that with the grace and strength of the Lord, I walk toward him pure in my heart. This is no easy task! Finding the man you have been waiting for is incredible! And let me just say, it takes me getting my eyes onto the bigger picture to see that watching how I think about him will be honoring for him in our marriage.

4. Beware of Pintrest!! If you have any creative bone in your bridal body you are going to LOVE the ideas on Pintrest! There is everything on there! But when your roommate finds you sitting in the dark with nothing but the glow of the computer screen to illuminate your half-opened 2AM eyes, it's time to shut that pinning down! Take a breath! I found that 'all the ideas' suddenly started making any idea seem not quite enough. I had to go on a pintrest fast! I decided I would pray before pinning; that I would go to God with ideas and wait to hear what He had to say first. This lead to WAY more peace and far more sleep!

5. When you find your dress, stop looking at other dresses. You are going to be beautiful on your special day, regardless of what you are wearing. There are a lot of pretty dresses, an hundreds that will look great on you. Find one that gives your heart bubbles of peace. Then stop looking at other ones and comparing. I am not sure I know of many situations where comparing has helped get more peace.

6. Honor your family. This is a big deal for them too. Be careful with their hearts and be creative to navigate how to make the important people feel special. Be open and honest about how you feel about them. Love and communicate.

7. Take time to just be with your fiance, not talking about wedding agendas or decisions that need to be made. There is still so much to know about him- you will have a lifetime of getting to know him! Enjoy this season with him. And when you're making decisions about invitations, guest lists, color schemes... talk it out with him. Maybe more guys want to have input into what their wedding day than we give them credit for. Respect him by hearing his perspective too.

8. well... to be announced I guess. 

There is only 9 weeks left until I get married and still I know there will be much to learn. As I write this list I think of telling myself all of these things. What a glorious season it has and is to be engaged!

A Love that Ruins You

A jealous and loving God is calling out, He’s calling you to go higher, deeper, farther with Him. He’s calling your name. His love is an endless depth of greatness. If this isn’t truth to you, if you don’t see God that way, no worries, I’ll introduce ya to that God. He’s here, available, seeking and loving you.

I believe in a God that created all the beauty of this world and yet is more satisfied in watching your beauty. He created you, to love you. He formed and fashioned you, to LOVE YOU. If you never said a kind word to Him or about Him, if you denied Him all the days of your life that would NEVER change the great depth and power of His love for you.

GOD LOVES YOU!

I know this might seem obvious to some, but this truth is SINKING in more and more. The more I believe the truth of His unrelenting love, making it my very core and life mandate, the more prepared I will be to love and honour my husband when the time is here. It will come from a healthy place of such depth and prayerfully mirroring that of my God, my Beloved, Jesus.

I am having a constant revelation of His love for me this week. I am listening to Mike Bickel’s teaching on Song of Solomon. Some of you just rolled your eyes and are now tuning out. Hahaha… this was a book that always intrigued me, I knew there were more to the words than what I understood. There is mention of spices, scents, flowers and singsong words that didn’t make sense, until now! (Well it’s starting to)

I started taking the words in this song and believing them, reading them with different eyes. Giving thanks for them, and praying them. I’ll explain what I mean. 

 Song of Solomon 1:2 & 4:9

1:2a- “May He (Jesus) kiss me with the kisses of his mouth (word, is what mouth is translated to in this verse). The “Bride” is speaking to her heavenly Father, about her Jesus.

During the day I have been speaking them out, like this.

“Jesus may you kiss me with the kisses of your word. May your word, your truth reach deep into my heart, expanding my understanding, my capacity, my grid for your love for me. Your word, your truth speaks of a great love, let the greatness, the mind blowing greatness overtake my life, my heart, my relationships (present and future). Ruin me with a love I have yet to encounter. THANK YOU for paving the way so I have the ability to taste a love from a God that created the wonder and beauty in all I see. Wow, I am in awe, I am just a broken person that you have deemed worthy of your love, and you lavish it upon me, and when you look at me, you see me as whole.”

 1:2b- “for YOUR (Heavenly Father’s) love is better than wine (the glory and pleasure). She speaks to her heavenly father.

“Thank you Papa that your love is better than wine, than all the earthly pleasures. May I feel the intoxication of your love; I want to be overtaken by the ecstasy of your love. This love is what I crave, yearn for, long for and need in my life. Teach me how to understand it with my human mind, and into the depths of my spirit. May your love be the mirror image of the love I exude in my life. May my husband and I learn to love from your great example.“

4:9- “You have made My (Jesus’) heart beat faster” Jesus is speaking to His Bride, to you and I.

 “Jesus, my beloved. Thank you that I make your heart beat faster. Thank you, wow, I make your heart beat faster. Let that truth over take my heart and mind, allow that truth to expand and grow more and more every day. I want to be changed by that truth, WRECK ME with that revelation. Help me not to ever take that for granted, I must live my life differently…I, Lisa (insert your name) make your heart beat faster! This has been the cry of my heart to be seen as lovely, so lovely that with one glance of my eye I can cause a quickening of love in ones heart, and here you are, the Saviour of the world, your heart beats faster when you think of me, when I glance at you. I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!” 

Wow…Wow… how can you not be changed by those thoughts, by those words, by HIS ACTIONS! He is a God worth serving, worth living a life of purity in every area. I want to love Him as well as He loves me. I want my life to be poured out before him as an offering, a sweet fragrance of love. My heart is forever changed, and I pray that you will also allow this revelation grow and deepen. That you would be rocked by a God that created you so He can love you. Died so He can love you then rose again and saved you so that He can love you forEVER. Yet, even if you never glanced His way, HE STILL LOVES YOU AND ALWAYS WILL.

Introduction made, and this is just a drop in the bucket, just a small glimpse of His VAST and GREAT LOVE.

This Song Is on Repeat for me... it's good!

A Story of Hope.

This is a great story, and it’s time to share it, fully, here with you. 

 Some time ago I went to London. I went to study a course I had looked forward to taking for nearly four years. I was accepted to go to the course in the Fall, but I had absolutely no peace about going then. Strange as it felt, I requested a deferal for my acceptance until the spring intake. 

And so, there I was, in March 2012 walking up the small path to the lovely home where I would stay with some of the most beautiful people I have ever met. In this home I would live out one of the most beautiful seasons of my life; a unique time of slowing down the hectic pace and rekindling a joy for a simple life. It was a time to fall in love with the One who desires to be loved and to love more than any other. It was a time to be inspired. This was a season that would refresh and realign my life forever. 

The day before I left Canada I started ‘dating’ an eligible bachelor from home. I could picture what I thought life would be like with this man the minute I met him in that Canadian coffee shop.  “A life with this man would be safe,” I decided. He has a great job, his is nice and loves Jesus, and even lives near my family. He was the kind of guy who was intentional about not only arranging the next time we could meet or talk, but the next two times. So we decided to pursue a long distance relationship and arranged weekly Skype dates and phone calls. Things progressed, and a few months after I had been in London, he took the bold step to cross the ocean to visit me.

 Sometimes things are more than what they seem. 

The day I arrived at my new British home I handed my large red duffle bag to a young man who offered to carry up the long flight of stairs to my room. Not only was I impressed by his kindness, but I was also taken with his strength as this bag was heavily laden with five months worth of my precious things. When he came back down the stairs I found myself looking at him a few seconds longer than I expected I would, his dark hair and kind eyes being set off with a beaming grin and drive-a-girl-crazy stubble, not to mention the accent! I quickly put my heart in check, switching to my thoughts to ‘friend’ mode and imagined what a delight it would be to get to know this intriguing young man.

Weeks turned into months and I found myself discovering a unique connection with the boy upstairs. We spoke of things of the Lord with a unique mutual understanding and delighted to discover we enjoyed looking at life from a very similar perspective. I was more than inspired by his love for Jesus, his genuine, make-you-sing-in-the-kitchen adoration of Jesus. We both loved people, saw heaven in a similar way, understood missions as a similar life-calling and even both enjoyed sharing dessert. More and more I found myself opening up to this man in an authentic way, seeking his opinion on things, respecting his perspective. We shared openly about what we wanted in a spouse, how we dreamt of our families, what our future goals and dreams were. All the while I was so overwhelmed with his responses, thinking time and time again “Lord, can you make my husband like HIM!?” I knew within the first three days of being in London that I would want to be this man’s friend forever.  

Coming to see me in London was a critical step for the Canadian and I. We had never spent so much time together and we were both eager to discover if this was a relationship ready for more commitment. We had a wonderful time with great adventures, and when he left two weeks later I was sad to see him go. But more than that, I found myself longing to spend more time with my British housemate as we had only had small moments to have one-on-one time together while my boyfriend was visiting. 

During the post-visit-analysis I quickly realized that the Canadian and I were on two separate paths. We loved the same Jesus, but knew Him so differently. Where his comfort zone was, my panic zone started; panic for me looked like endless days in the same place speaking the same language, while his panic zone was to be in various places for an unknown amount of time for an unknown reason in the midst of an unknown language. The Lord was gracious to give me the image of a glass house with a piece of wood being put on it; although wood is a strong, appropriate material for building houses, it does’t belong on a glass one. Even though I could have chosen the life with safety, the Lord gently showed me that there could be something different for me. So I ended things with the Canadian in a moment that felt like turning from the Shire to the icy mountain pathway. The trail over the mountain would lead to a lush a beautiful valley, I just couldn’t see how from this side, but I trusted.

At that same time I found myself coming to the stark realization that my feelings for my British buddy were going much deeper than friendship. We found ourselves communicating with nothing more than looks across a room. We started finishing one another’s sentences and increasingly preferring to spend time together. This was a very difficult time as we both worked to guard our hearts and keep things pure and rightly-attached between us. I prayed daily to break any inappropriate soul ties with him. And as things increased between us, I realized that I would have to share with this most amazing friend, that yes indeed I was starting to see him as more. 

This was the most intimidating thing I have ever had to do in my life! The scenario in my mind went something like this: I would tell him how I felt, he would say ‘that’s nice, I don’t feel the same way, lets be friends....” only things would never be the same because we would both begin to keep our hearts close and guarded against further emotional connection.

Sometimes, and I am finding out that more often than not, what the Lord has planned for us is more than we imagine, more than we even dared to hope. I realized that I had hoped for the ‘best’ man, my Viking, to come. But I was actually expecting less. I had started telling myself that the man for me would be someone kind and loving and a lover of Jesus... but was he attractive? Would he be fun and delightful? Would he be such a match for me that I would be forever only a match for him? I had started doubting that he would be great, I had started expecting less than great from God. 

Oh ye of little faith. Why do you doubt?

On January 1st I was asked the most important question any person has ever asked me. On that first day of the year, I was asked if I would  join my life with the man of my dreams. He literally is just that- the man of my dreams. He is more than I ever expected or could have anticipated. We match perfectly, calling out more of who we are when we are together than when we are apart. When I am with him I can feel myself running faster toward the future. I love him more completely and immensely than I have ever loved another human before. In fact, I began to question if I have ever loved before. He is the one who I was made for, and I am the one made for him. Before we were even born the Lord knew we would stand before one another and the question would be asked.... and I would answer,

yes, I will marry you. 

Life shifted at that instant. 

Every hour I dreamt of him, longed for him, cried out for him.... every tear I cried as I waited to meet him and trusted deep for him and groaned inwardly for him.... every one I looked at and sought a forever gaze to look back at me..... seems but a small pile of precious dust in the face of a life lived loving this man. 

He loves to know my thoughts about him before I even met him. It delights us both to think of how God literally moved heaven and earth to bring us to one another. I am now scouring my journals for words that I wrote to him from a time when I only dreamt about him. These are the diamonds revealed in this season; each bold act of faith toward and about this man now bears such joyful fruit. This is a season of harvesting golden fruit of joy and love that were sown in faith and watered by tears. Beauty exchanged for ashes. 

 As he and I delightfully plan for a wedding and our forever together, I see just how quickly everything changes. What a glorious story. What a beautiful beginning. More than I expected, but just what I had hoped for.

The Crash and the Summit

February is here already. We have survived January of our new year 2013! Doesn't Christmas and New Year's feel like forever ago? It seems to me like the holiday season was a real "high" of parties and family and friends and feasts. I even went to a masquerade ball where I felt like a gorgeous Cinderella even if it was without a prince. At the end of the festivities and celebration, however, I experienced a bit of an emotional crash. What? No more parties? Why do I feel so empty? So alone? What? I have to go back to work? Normal routine? I am not generally good with monotonous schedules, so I was not looking forward to returning to my world of the substitute teacher.

My "prayers" were answered in an unexpected form when for the first two weeks of January, I was flat out on my back in some of the worst pain of my life. Not exactly how I was hoping to start off this new year; but even in that place, God gave me the grace to follow Him. No, it was not easy. No, there were hours and days it felt like my worst interpretation of hell on earth. Anyone who has experienced intense lower back pain knows what I am talking about. Pain-killers wouldn't cut the pain. Chiropractors didn't succeed. I would lie awake until 5am tossing and turning, because I could find no comfortable way to sleep.

The flip side? My trial gave me an excuse not to go back to teaching right away after Christmas (One day I decided to try and teach thirty kids while a little "drugged up" on pain killers; definitely not a good idea). I also had free time to read my Bible and to talk to God-something that I often do not take enough time to do. And my favourite? I could spend hours playing my piano and pouring out my pain to My Heavenly Father. I know He valued that I was willing to take my suffering to Him and transform it into a beautiful, though, sometimes raw and rough, song rather than surrendering to self-pity or anger at Him for allowing me to go through this trial.

And there is always some humour to be found in the midst of a dark hour of testing. The funniest (though slightly humiliating) part would have to be when the young man I am very interested in visited my family for a special dinner. When i agreed to get a tool for him from the basement to fix our dishwasher, I couldn't even make it back up the stairs without trembling and gasping in pain. After dinner, I tried to stand and dry the dishes (we didn't get the dishwasher fixed), but I couldn't even do that. Finally, he graciously relieved me from my cleaning duties by motioning for the dishcloth. I relinquished my job apprehensively, as I assumed my new role as the "pointer." The plate goes there…the pot goes there.. the silverware there. Grrrrrr. I hate feeling immobilized, weak, and fully incapable. It was not the lasting impression I was hoping to make, but then again, maybe it gave him an opportunity to show me his kindness. I could look into his eyes and see compassion and grace-characteristics i need to see in a man's eyes. He prayed for me afterward and I felt genuine peace, peace that God was with me and that He was leading me. Peace that whether things worked out how I wanted them to or not, I was going to be ok. I was loved.

Today my back is almost 100% better, which I am sooooo grateful for. (Thank God for good physiotherapists and lots of prayer). The world looks a whole lot more cheery even if the weather may be grey and rainy outside. Last week I had an awesome 32nd birthday with so many great friends and Korean karaoke with English songs (need I say more).

Valentine's Day is coming soon. Not sure what that will bring, but I am content knowing My Father is faithful throughout every season of my life. He has wept with me through the falls and deep cuts along my long journey, and I know He will be with me rejoicing on another coming summit. What a view it is going to be!!! He created it just for me.

The Final Push to the Finish Line!

You’re coming around the final bend, you can see the finish line in the distance, at least you are hoping it’s not just a mirage but the actual finish line. Weariness is washing over you tired body, mind, emotions and even you will. You think to your self, I don’t think I can make it; can I take another step? Can I finish? Am I going to make it? Maybe I’ll stop right here, just be done. Then it happens.

Can you hear them? The rush of their voices snap you back to life, the roaring sound shoots another round of adrenaline coursing though your body. You forget the temporary pain; the frustrating thoughts of not making it further and you lift your head up and press on. You know that you have to finish, and not just finish, but do it well.

In the last 2 weeks, I have had this deep impression that the finish line is near, it’s not just a mere idea anymore. I am rounding that last bend in the road and I can taste the victory of the finish line. Now again, this is just a deep impression, I have no man in my life currently that is pursuing me, but I can feel the end drawing near, that is about to change.

I have had a lot of “please God let it be soon” moments but nothing like this, nothing where I feel like at any moment my life is going to change in a way I have been only able to dream about and feel as though it may never happen. The end of the race is near, I am tired; my mind, will and emotions are tired. In Matthew and then In Luke, Jesus had angels come and minister strength to Him when He was almost at the finish line, in the desert of temptation and in the garden of Gethsemane. 2 weeks ago I had that spoken over me that angels were being sent to strengthen me in my tired and weary state of holding onto hope; hope for a future husband and family that my heart aches for.  Yet I know He has sent angels to minister strength to me.

In this last week, I have had more prophetic words and prayer come my way than any time in my life. It’s a buzz in the air; I’m on the last stretch of this race and all my friends and family are lining the track and their cheers and cries and prayers are so loud, the very foundations of time are being awakened. Heaven is invading earth in my life and my greatest and loudest cheerleader, my Beloved Jesus is running beside me. He is whispering truth and life and love and light into the deepest parts of me. There is no crevice of my life that hasn’t been touched by Jesus’ kindness, grace, mercy, love and passion. All of heaven is pressing into this last leg of my race, I feel this crescendo of excitement becoming louder, resonating through me. He’s coming.

This is the picture I have of this moment in my life. (Paraphrased from memory the Divine Romance by Gene Edwards) God created Eve and brought her away before Adam awoke. When Adam awoke God and him roamed the earth naming all the animals upon the earth (ps. that’s a lot of animals, must have taken him awhile). When Adam was finished, Eve heard the deep calling of her beloved; He responded and came running. They bounded towards each other from across the earth responding to heavens call for a union to occur. I am feeling as though in my daily steps through life, I am bounding towards what heaven is cheering for, my beloved.

How blessed I am to have those around me, lifting me up to my Papa and praying, crying out and rejoicing in what His plans are. I am finishing this race well, not quitting, or giving up or letting it “die”; I am fighting for the last few miles and going to finish them strong with my beloved running along side to the place where I will meet my earthly love. I am coming by love, here I am; I will know you when I see you and you will know me when we meet.