A Love that Ruins You

A jealous and loving God is calling out, He’s calling you to go higher, deeper, farther with Him. He’s calling your name. His love is an endless depth of greatness. If this isn’t truth to you, if you don’t see God that way, no worries, I’ll introduce ya to that God. He’s here, available, seeking and loving you.

I believe in a God that created all the beauty of this world and yet is more satisfied in watching your beauty. He created you, to love you. He formed and fashioned you, to LOVE YOU. If you never said a kind word to Him or about Him, if you denied Him all the days of your life that would NEVER change the great depth and power of His love for you.

GOD LOVES YOU!

I know this might seem obvious to some, but this truth is SINKING in more and more. The more I believe the truth of His unrelenting love, making it my very core and life mandate, the more prepared I will be to love and honour my husband when the time is here. It will come from a healthy place of such depth and prayerfully mirroring that of my God, my Beloved, Jesus.

I am having a constant revelation of His love for me this week. I am listening to Mike Bickel’s teaching on Song of Solomon. Some of you just rolled your eyes and are now tuning out. Hahaha… this was a book that always intrigued me, I knew there were more to the words than what I understood. There is mention of spices, scents, flowers and singsong words that didn’t make sense, until now! (Well it’s starting to)

I started taking the words in this song and believing them, reading them with different eyes. Giving thanks for them, and praying them. I’ll explain what I mean. 

 Song of Solomon 1:2 & 4:9

1:2a- “May He (Jesus) kiss me with the kisses of his mouth (word, is what mouth is translated to in this verse). The “Bride” is speaking to her heavenly Father, about her Jesus.

During the day I have been speaking them out, like this.

“Jesus may you kiss me with the kisses of your word. May your word, your truth reach deep into my heart, expanding my understanding, my capacity, my grid for your love for me. Your word, your truth speaks of a great love, let the greatness, the mind blowing greatness overtake my life, my heart, my relationships (present and future). Ruin me with a love I have yet to encounter. THANK YOU for paving the way so I have the ability to taste a love from a God that created the wonder and beauty in all I see. Wow, I am in awe, I am just a broken person that you have deemed worthy of your love, and you lavish it upon me, and when you look at me, you see me as whole.”

 1:2b- “for YOUR (Heavenly Father’s) love is better than wine (the glory and pleasure). She speaks to her heavenly father.

“Thank you Papa that your love is better than wine, than all the earthly pleasures. May I feel the intoxication of your love; I want to be overtaken by the ecstasy of your love. This love is what I crave, yearn for, long for and need in my life. Teach me how to understand it with my human mind, and into the depths of my spirit. May your love be the mirror image of the love I exude in my life. May my husband and I learn to love from your great example.“

4:9- “You have made My (Jesus’) heart beat faster” Jesus is speaking to His Bride, to you and I.

 “Jesus, my beloved. Thank you that I make your heart beat faster. Thank you, wow, I make your heart beat faster. Let that truth over take my heart and mind, allow that truth to expand and grow more and more every day. I want to be changed by that truth, WRECK ME with that revelation. Help me not to ever take that for granted, I must live my life differently…I, Lisa (insert your name) make your heart beat faster! This has been the cry of my heart to be seen as lovely, so lovely that with one glance of my eye I can cause a quickening of love in ones heart, and here you are, the Saviour of the world, your heart beats faster when you think of me, when I glance at you. I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!” 

Wow…Wow… how can you not be changed by those thoughts, by those words, by HIS ACTIONS! He is a God worth serving, worth living a life of purity in every area. I want to love Him as well as He loves me. I want my life to be poured out before him as an offering, a sweet fragrance of love. My heart is forever changed, and I pray that you will also allow this revelation grow and deepen. That you would be rocked by a God that created you so He can love you. Died so He can love you then rose again and saved you so that He can love you forEVER. Yet, even if you never glanced His way, HE STILL LOVES YOU AND ALWAYS WILL.

Introduction made, and this is just a drop in the bucket, just a small glimpse of His VAST and GREAT LOVE.

This Song Is on Repeat for me... it's good!

A brave voice.

I don’t really know much about Iran. I know that it’s a country of intense history and an even more dynamic modern-day timeline, but I know very little about what it’s like to live in Iran. A few weeks ago I was given the opportunity to learn more. 

Sitting beside strangers on long flights can be both a burden and a delight. With some strangers one finds themselves relieved that they are truly strangers with the person in the next seat. While at on the other hand, some may find themselves in the midst of deep, heart-sharing with someone they have never met before while flying thousands of feet over Atlantic waters. On this particular long flight from Frankfurt to Calgary I had the opportunity to hear from a young Iranian woman, also single, also 30 years old, about what it is like live in her home country. My eyes were opened and my perspective shifted after this conversation. I heard that being a virgin in another country doesn’t simply represent a life-choice, it represents choosing life. 

For the unmarried woman in Iran, virginity represents potential; that you will have the potential to be married, the potential to gain a voice in a society where the loud voice of women are only heard through their male representatives.

It seems that the woman in Iran is both fearfully powerful, and practically vulnerable; in one way, it seems that she must ‘protect‘ men from her powerful beauty. She must cover her hair and her head and her body from the time she starts school, from the time she starts formally interacting with members of the opposite sex. She will never again be uncovered, with hair flowing in the wind and freely letting the sun soak on her skin in any place that may risk exposing her image to a passing by male. For that is when she realizes just how vulnerable she is; a woman in Iran learns early that she keeps covered, stays indoors in late hours and is careful in her choices of words because if she does not walk in these ways, she may be overtaken by any man who feels she is not being appropriate. She could be verbally harassed, her reputation could be tainted, her body may be battered and abused if she steps outside of these strict cultural bounds. 

There is an unspoken level of control in the world of Iran; control about how to dress, how to interact, how to make choices, even how to communicate. When we started talking about how to ‘meet guys’, the woman sitting beside me told me that in Iran it is very difficult. If you are caught walking down the street with anyone who is not your uncle or your brother or your father, you could be whipped sixty times. If you are found having a mixed-company party with alcohol, again more lashes. If you have a Facebook account, you will be reprimanded. Even this woman, a highly educated, well-spoken beautiful woman, would find herself in an arranged marriage if her father deemed it necessary. 

When does a woman in Iran gain her voice? When she is married. Until then she will be raised by her mother and have only very respectful, sometimes fearful interactions with her father. He will make the decisions about her future- family, education, opportunities. She may study, become educated in ways that allow numerous letters to follow your name, learn the mysteries of the world beyond her country borders, but at some time, she will be married and for many, become a simple housewife and mother. For some, she will be the first wife of her husband- a place that holds a degree of honor and respect. For others, she will be married as second, third, and possibly fourth wife. “Better to be a second wife than to be single in Iran” my seat-mate told me. Divorce is a little-spoken-of option; in Iran, a divorced woman in vulnerable to rape and abuse by men who see her as used, unfaithful and loose. Teen pregnancy is as rare as vegas show girls- ostracized by both family and community and as my seat-made said “I have never met anyone who was pregnant before being married. I heard about one girl who left the country, while another one just killed herself.” Wow. A show like the Virgin Diaries would be without interest in Iran, but Teen Moms could be banned. 

After our several hour conversation I realized just how brave this girl is. She lives in Iran and in Canada. She desires to marry for true love, rather than arrangement despite knowing that she may be single for a long time. Being single doesn't just mean lonely nights though; being single means her highly educated voice may not be heard as loudly, her career opportunities would be limited and her family would be uneasy with her. Or does she stay in Canada, where she would be seen as an individual, as an accomplished woman, but always through the eyes of a western culture that may not understand who she really is. She is brave. She is courageous. 

Sometimes we are given opportunities to look at the world through a different set of eyes. It makes us appreciate where we are from and appreciate what strengths different perspectives may have. There is much more to know about Iran and other cultures around the world- I am no expert. Still, speaking with the woman made me know that being a now thirty year old virgin is really a blessing, really a joy. That I can choose; I can live a full life, have a strong voice and be free. 

Up Close & Personal

My blog choice today was made as I/we have received a lot of questions about our choices. We have been featured on a UBC Psych class forum and I had some questions come up and this isn't the first time I've heard these very same ones. So here I am answering some questions with my opinion. 

** If any one has anymore questions they'd like to hear my opinion on, please feel free to leave a comment and I will try my best to respond in a timely fashion (*only appropriate questions will be posted, please keep it "clean" and respectful so I can actually answer them)

While I believe EVERYONE has a right to do what they want with their bodies, and whatever they want in the bedroom (obviously when it’s consensual), I find it tough to swallow some of your ideals about virginity, and refraining from sex until marriage.

I believe just like you that everyone has a right to their own story, and this just happens to be mine!

I believe in God; therefore that obviously plays a big role in my decision, however, there comes a time where you actually have to make this decision about Sex, Purity and Abstinence on your own, apart from how you were raised, and apart from what your faith believes. That being said, I made the choice of purity, this is my story and not something I am pushing on anyone else. I said this before and I'll state it again, if you find encouragement in my story for your life, great; if not, I don't mind. I'm just living out my life adventure, as we all should!

Firstly, although you explicitly state that you are against selling sex, you create an entire television show about your vaginas, and what you do, or do not do, with them. How, exactly, is that NOT selling sex? You’re making money based on whether or not you partake in a sexual act, therefore you are selling sex.

I don't believe the content I am openly expressing on the blog is selling sex. We did not create the TV show, we were approached to be apart of it. We agreed to be a part of the show as a way of allowing people into our lives, to share our stories and for those curious about how and why a woman (or man) would abstain from sex in today's culture and society (Believe you me, the little we did get paid for the show, and it was little, was put to good use on upgrading our blog and taking ourselves to dinner; that's about it!).

On your blog, you talked about how you have already named your future husband the “Rock Star.” Now, I’m a big fan of rock stars — they’re sexy as hell, and they have a confidence I know I envy. But how can you have such an idealistic version of a man you haven’t even met? Also, I do not know a virgin male over the age of 18 with any sort of confidence towards women, at all. So, as far as being “man enough” to pursue you? They probably aren’t.

The Rockstar, The Viking and The Boreal-Forest-Beach-Mountain-Man (the "nicknames" we have for the men we dream about) were made up by my friends and I were a fun way to be goofy and to dream about the men we will some day spend the rest of our lives with. Now, to find the "Rock-Star" persona attractive, am I saying that this is all he can or has to be? Of course not. I don't care if he is in a band, plays an instrument or wears skinny jeans (haha).I'm not looking for perfect... just fit for me.

 I would like to say that I know many confident, amazing men who are still virgins and over the age of 18. I also know many men who are now married to amazing women (they were also virgins and over the age of 18 before getting married). I watched these men confidently pursue and win the hearts of these woman and honour them in all areas of their relationship including the sexual/physical side, until their wedding day. 

I do not believe I am living in a fairy-tale world, I've seen it happen and not just once or twice, it isn't the exception, for those around me.

Now that’s not the only problem I have with this “Rock Star” image. I find it deeply anti-feminist that you need some sort of superhero man to sweep you off your feet to feel satisfied with your life. I feel like you’re building up all this anticipation around one man who will either A) not show up, or B) not meet your ideals.

I can assure you that my life is full and good and wonderful; filled with the most amazing friendships, work, and hobbies. I do not need a man to be satisfied with my life; I beat that struggle many years back. Of course I have days where it would be nice to share my life with someone and to go on crazy adventures with a husband, but by no means do I feel I need a man to fulfill my life. My desire for my future man is that he will share the same faith as me, and be confident in who he is as a person (the same desire I have for all the people in my life; to be confident in who they are).

You also mention on your blog about how you have never dated. I’m curious as to whether or not you have any male friends, or how you deal with men who want to date you. Do you tell them to take off, because they’re not your “Rock Star?” What motivated, and continues to motivate, your decision not to date?

I'm not exactly sure where you have found this information, but you are definitely not the first person to ask me about this. I have never said I do not date; I DO and gladly! I have just never been in a long-term relationship, not because I haven't wanted one, but because the opportunity hasn't been there. I am sure I can hear all the thoughts collectively wanting to ask or assume there must then, be something wrong. I do not think there is anything wrong, I have gone through my years of being insecure, and being uber-independent. In some ways I feel fortunate to have been able to work through those types of issues so I can be a confident woman full of life and love rather than a girl who sucks life from a man and sends him heading for the hills. I am glad my journey has taken the course it has; it hasn't been easy, but I am glad it has sharpened me into ME!

I have both “made love” with a man I was in love with, and had sex with a few “others” just for the sake of enjoying my own body, and exploring my own sexuality. My issue with the Virgin Diaries is definitely not the virginity part — it is the way you and your friends act like the rest of us are sullied and impure for enjoying our bodies. You seem self-righteous about your virginity — particularly in thinking that a television show about virginity isn’t selling sex, and that you need some idealistic (and perhaps in my cynical opinion, non-existent) man to make you happy.

You will find our blog interesting if you read through some of the other stories. We have a writer, Tamara, who has had sex before and is now choosing to wait until marriage to have sex again. It has in NO WAY been our intention to make others feel "less than," or "sullied." We love the fact that everyone has a different story to tell. Our intention and heart is to allow others that have chosen a life style similar to ours to be encouraged, to have good open conversations with those that don't agree and to give a younger generation more options in life (than what's being given to them through society). 

When I was in school, sex ed class was all about practicing putting condoms on bananas or wooden dildo's, being given condoms while leaving class, watching how sex happens through an "educational" video and then the girls being told to see the teacher after class if they wanted to find out more about birth control; with a casual, no more thought or effort put in to it other than "Oh and by the way, there is always abstinence." I mean who would really want to raise their hand and ask questions about abstinence when it's put that way? I hope not everyone had the same experience in school as I did, but I've heard many similar stories over the years. I think the younger generation deserves to be able to weigh both options, make a full and healthy choice of their own and not get shoved into a box of "you're a horny teenager that will have sex anyway, so here are some condoms and birth control".  

I am definitely not a Christian, but at the same time, if God gave me a body, why would he then tell me it was sinful to enjoy it outside the confines of marriage? Why do we, as women in the 21st-Century, need an archaic, pedagogical construct to enjoy our sexuality? I am curious to hear your answer.

Do I think sex is sinful? No. I believe the God I serve created sex and all its glory and greatness. I think sex will be wonderful and I am looking forward to it with my husband. I believe sex is not just a physical act; it's the process of being intimate emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. I feel it's about experiencing sex inside the safety of marriage, where there is a level of trust and commitment that has been built and goes beyond just casual; in to a lifetime. 

I had a friend of mine who was living with her boyfriend of a few years and I watched the insecurity she battled with. She told me that she always had a fear that he may just walk out; she explained there wasn't that sense of "he's committed to love me" in sickness and in health. I have also watched many friends have sex with their boyfriends and when an issue arises that seems too difficult to deal with, one or both go there separate ways, I have been through the crying sessions of "I just can't get over him, I just can't let him go". They may have bonded sexually but maybe they missed bonding in many other beautiful ways. I am not naive to the fact that marriage for some people isn't forever; people do walk out. Personally, I would rather experience the intimacy of sex inside a marriage; that is my own personal choice.

VICE MAGAZINE- THE WASTE COAST

Here are a few exerts from an interview done by Vice Magazine- The Waste Coast by Mish Way. We had a real candid convo with her a few weeks ago, see how it turned out! Click on the link above to view the full article. (oh and please disregard the flowery frocks... not our idea, and not really sure how I feel about it all...hahaha)

How was it being filmed for The Virgin Diaries? (Mish)

Danielle: By the end of the second day of filming we were baring things that no one close to us has ever heard before in front of this middle-aged sound guy. They asked us everything, but we really liked the crew. 

Danielle: The show turned out to be really light. They didn't even put any of the soul baring stuff we talked about. But the topic itself of virginity has become the real issue.

It has. That's why I am here. So, why stay pure? (Mish)

Lisa: It became a choice later on in life. It was the moral standard I was raised in my Christian home, but there is a point when you have to make the choice on your own. It doesn't necessarily have to do with religion or what God says. It was an easy choice for me, that I would save my [virginity] as a gift for one person and not something to be spread around. One thing we say all the time is that this is our story. This is not how everybody should live their life, but if you want to that's great! And I will lend a hand. Other than that, it's my choice.

Danielle: Remember those commercials from the 80's where they would be like, "Just Say No To Drugs" and it would be like your brain as a fried egg?

Yeah. (Mish)

Danielle: I feel like they must have had those for sex too. And I never thought it was a big deal growing up. Then, it became a big deal for me when I got into intimate relationships. It is from a root of faith that I want to live a life that pleases God and honour him because it gives me joy. 

It makes you happy. (Mish)

Danielle: But I also believe that he does not ask me to do things that do not have a purpose. "Just Say No" didn't have a purpose, but when I was in an intimate relationship I felt like it was so hard to say "no" to sex. Then I realized that the reason was for me to maintain a connection with someone and have trust before I lent my heart to them because it would hurt so much to not be with them forever.

Men Mondays with Cory De Silva

Cory De Silva’s album, “Someday When I’m Young”, was released in March 2010. He co-edits for a small independent press in Long Beach, CA and writes poetry and fiction. His second album, “Beginnings”, is scheduled for release in 2012. 

Find Cory Here:

Facebook 

Bethel Website

Itunes

A Twenty-Two Year Old Virgin

My name is Cory. I’m a singer/songwriter who also writes poetry and fiction. I release hope, creativity, and purity through my art. Several of my poems have been accepted for print publication. I co-edit for an independent press in Long Beach, CA and attend weekly venues for live performances of my work.

My commitment to virginity started when I was in high school. My parents, both pastors at a small church, encouraged my walk for purity. They introduced me to this concept of abstinence at a young age and I thought they were crazy. My hormones hadn’t developed yet. I was at the age where girls seemed gross. They had cooties, long hair, and a dark side I didn’t want to catch. I didn’t want to settle down and get married. I didn’t even have thoughts of it. I have since changed my ways (thanks to my developed sex drive) and have become enthralled with the idea of falling in love.

I have a certificate taped to my bedroom door. It states, “I, Cory De Silva, pledge to save myself for marriage so that the covenant will be kept clean and my conscience free.” I signed it after entering high school. I wasn’t sure the full weight of my signature back then. I did it because I “thought” that was the right thing to do. Now, I’m glad I did. It keeps my heart on track. I look at it once in a while to strengthen myself. Every time I get dragged down into loneliness, I remember the promise I made and renew my strength. Some people think it’s cheesy. Who cares. I know what I want—a wife worth fighting for. No matter how dumb it looks or how tough it seems, I look at the certificate, keep my heart in check and my vision alive.

Needless to say, the sex drive is powerful. Staying pure isn’t easy. The male tendency to be visual doesn’t help either. It’s foolish to say that abstinence is a walk through the Hundred Acre Wood. There are woosels and heffalumps eager to steal your honey. Keep your eyes ahead. The bride waits for you at the altar. 

If there’s one thing I could say to encourage men to be sexually pure, I would say keep fighting. You’re not alone. Being single (and a virgin) makes the wait for sex seem like ages, but the longer you stay single and content, the healthier you will be. There are thousands of godly men and women controlling their urges. Let God write your love story. Always looking out for the “one” will stress you out. Let God do the hard stuff and point to the girl you ought to marry. Your job is to be healthy and secure in yourself when she comes along. 

Men, pray for your wives, even if you’re single or don’t see yourself getting married anytime soon. Pray that God prepares her heart and that He develops you into the man she deserves. That way, when you both meet, you’ll be ready for love and your hearts will be in the right place. 

A Poem written by Cory, personifying sex. 

**Warning this poem contains explicit language**

Sex

i’m sick of you

every time

i turn on

my television

there you are

staring at me

blindly

from the corners

of your hollow prism

seeping out

onto the living room

floor

so you

can fester

in the minds

of wide-eyed children

when i turn out

the lights

you stir darkness

churn icy stairwells

into butter

brood beneath beds

like a hell-stained nightmare

sex

stop being

so relevant

you are static

in my ears

that keeps me

from sleeping at night

you are the cry

of a thousand winter babes

waiting to be born

sex

take your nasty

little hands

off my generation

stay away from

my daughters

stop pestering

my sons

sex

go fuck yourself

i’m tired

you’re overrated

A Scandal of Love: The Christmas Story

Silent night, Holy night. I don't know what you think of at Christmas. What sounds you hear? A new baby crying perhaps. Oh, sorry, baby Jesus isn't supposed to cry. Stars shining. Tinsel sparkling. I will be honest and say that Christmas can become a bit typical, the same old for me. And the Christmas story, well, I have heard it for 30 years of my life. I've been a shepherd or a wiseman in countless Christmas pageants. But this year is different.

This year I started looking at the Nativity in light of our blog. The Christmas story was screaming at me to write something. So here goes… I first took another glance at the cast of characters. To my surprise, I found some very real and relevant individuals to my world, starting with the most famous virgin of all-Mary, the mother of Jesus. She is probably only 12 to 14 years old when she is engaged to Joseph. She is innocent, pure- definitely a good Jew who has followed the rules of her time and remained a virgin. Suddenly, God disrupts her life with an angel appearing and telling her that she is going to have a baby. "How can this be, since I am a virgin?" is her response. My response might be God, You are crazy. Do You know the scandal this is going to start? The gossip that is going to spread? The controversy that is going to follow me and Your child probably for the rest of our lives? And God, I've tried so hard to be pure, and You are throwing that all away. The angel reassures her that God is with her and that this child is a very special child-the Son of God in fact. She courageously accepts this invitation to bring this gift of love into the world despite all the difficulties she knows this choice will bring. (And just in case you still think she is a meek, mild woman, read the song she wrote in Luke 1:46-55. In verses 51 and 52 she describes how God "overthrows kings from their thrones" and "scatters the proud." I think she is the original protest singer and a mother or revolutionaries). 

Then look at Joseph. His beloved has just told him that she's pregnant. And no, she tries to convince him, she has never cheated on him. This really is a blessing from God. This is God's child. Joseph is a good man and doesn't want to disgrace her (at that time, he could have also had her stoned to death for adultery), so he plans to just let her go secretly. But again one of the angels shows up, this time in a dream, and tells him not to be afraid for Mary is telling him the truth. This child is from God. Again his schedule and time line is messed up by God. He might have been thinking I was going to have a nice wedding, to my nice wife. The community liked us, but now my wife and I will be judged falsely, misunderstood. Let's just say it was definitely a test of Joseph's love for Mary and His obedience to God. But again like Mary, he chooses to believe God and his fiancee, and takes her to be his wife and later becomes a father to Jesus. 

The final character I want to look at is God- the one working behind the scenes. If I were God (a very dangerous thought), I would want my son to be born into a nice, safe family (Maybe like the Cleaver family from Leave it To Beaver). I would want my son to enter the world in as "squeaky, clean" a mission as possible. I would make sure everyone would see Him as pure and holy, because that's who He is. But not God. Let's start a sex scandal. Have my son appear like an illegitimate, bastard son. Then He'll be born in a barn, a filthy, unclean sort of place. Scandalous!

What does this tell us about the character of God? In my mind, God is not afraid of controversy. He is not worried about being misunderstood by people. He is not afraid of meeting people where they are at. He is not a pretender. He can relate to people no matter where their lives have started or where they are at. Lastly, He loves people more than His own reputation or the reputation of His followers. Definitely not a tame or a safe God, but a good God, a God of passion who will do anything to connect with the world He created. Scandalous love.